Thoughts are powerful. I have heard they can bring life as well as death. I struggle with negative thoughts like does God really love me? My thoughts tell me God is mean to make me non-verbal, or I will never live a normal life like everyone else. Doubts turn to fears and anxiety. Past hurts and failures turn to anger and depression. Negative thoughts bombard me when I am alone or not stimulated enough. I quickly get into a cycle of negativity that I can’t escape unless I disassociate from my body to not feel the overwhelming emotional pain. It results in deeper anguish as I destroy the things and people I love the most.
Why can’t I stop?
Why do I ruminate on the hurt of being treated badly? I think I become addicted to the toxin that momentarily feels good to have something to focus on. Like that sugary treat I devour so quickly to become a raging bellyache later. Crazy, isn’t it?
How do I break free of this craziness? Having a changed mind resets everything.
I’m working on transforming my thinking by listening to God’s Word and the Holy Spirit. Once you understand your sin and powerlessness over it, if you repent and trust in Christ’s payment of your sins, you can be free of sin’s power over your life. I know how hard it is to believe God has forgiven you, especially if you are like me and keep struggling with the same horrible sin over and over. The struggle does get easier. I am becoming more aware of when the lying thoughts come and try to focus on what is true, noble, loving, and right in God’s opinion. Reminding myself who I really am in Christ helps me get out of my negative cycle of anger and despair. Having people support me with encouragement and truth is essential. I do have to work hard to train my mind to listen to the truth, die to what “feels good at the moment”, and accept my current limitations. It also helps me to listen to podcasts that are rooted in God’s Word and music that is inspirational to keep my mind alert and emotions on track.
Slowly I am beginning to break the cycle of toxic thoughts and have been able to go more into the community with my parents and workers. My anger is lessening and although I still fight severe anxiety, it is more manageable with support. Don’t stay imprisoned to your toxic thoughts. Break the chains with the truth of what God says in the Bible.
“And you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32
Wishing you freedom,