March is like me, comes in like a lion roaring with rage, throwing violent temper tantrums and causing distress in its path.
Hopefully, I will be like March, soon get control of my anger, leaving calm, controlled, gentle as a lamb.
I have hope because my counselor is working with me on healing wounds of pain that have plagued me for a long time. I have been so angry at the world, God, and my life. No one can understand the depths of anguish I have endured this past year. Having Christian parents who will not give up on me has saved me from suicide. I know God loves me, but I cannot understand why He chose to let me hurt so much and let me hurt the people I love the most. They helped me realize I could not destroy them any more and I must choose to let go of my anger if I am going to ever live in peace and have a satisfying life.
I want to scream to the world:
Look, listen, and learn about your temperament and how you are wired!
What needs do you have that aren’t being met?
How are you trying to get those needs met?
Is that working out for you?
I found out I am wired to lead and make change happen and yet I have no way to speak. I am very frustrated, angry, and devastated that God made me this way. How can He use this broken man who admits he can’t even take a shower without help much less control his thoughts and anger?
I don’t know yet, but I have to believe there is a reason for my frustration. Keep tuned in to see what happens as I navigate this journey to better control my anger.
Wishing you hope and healing,