I am Jacob Harbin and am 18. I have autism which is a neurological disorder that affects the sensory and motor parts of my brain causing me to not be able to speak my thoughts. This is many times worse than anything you can imagine because I hurt the very people I love the most when I lose control of my emotions and let anger win. I am angry at my body because it will not do what I want it to do. I have a brain body disconnect that makes me so upset because I cannot make my body do what I tell it to do. For example, I know how to shower but I cannot think my body parts into doing the simple steps. I know how to type but I cannot stop touching the same button over and over again. This makes me so angry. My anger is my downfall because I am intelligent (and know better) but when I get angry, I lose even more body control and I hurt people.
I am wanting to blog to let people understand how autism works in my body. It is important universally that people know how intelligent I am because my body betrays me all the time. I love to be with many helpers doing hard work but my body will not cooperate with me and wants to automatically hand over the work to others. This frustrates me so much that I lose control. I am constantly fighting my body to do what I want it to do. This is why I hurt myself by hitting my chest and head so hard and loud. I want people to understand that I am trying my best to control myself; not giving in to my body which wants my destruction.
My desire is to educate my community about my struggle and hope they will accept my constant efforts to be a productive and contributing citizen. I want to own my own business one day and have a family of my own. This will take a great deal of work on my part because I do not have a huge amount of control. Using the Letterboard to communicate and prayer are my best methods to help me.
Letter boarding saved my life bringing hope that I would be able to communicate my thoughts and dreams. I want to share this with others trapped in a body that constantly belies their desire to be more loving and caring to others.
Never judge someone by their behavior if you don’t know their story or history. Instead, have understanding and compassion.
Wanting to share hope and understanding - Jacob Harbin